“Getting a Drink” Does Not Have to Mean Alcohol
We should flip the narrative and normalize alcohol-free drinks
Want to go grab a drink?
Let’s meet for happy hour after work to get a drink.
Let’s go get a drink before dinner at the bar.
Want to grab some drinks on the way to the game?
While waiting around for some dinner reservations last week, a friend of mine asks the group…
Want to grab a drink while we wait?
Everyone nodded in agreeance and I was thirsty, too. So, we headed to the nearest bar and we all ordered our drinks.
When the bartender came to me, I simply asked for a club soda with cranberry and lime. Thanks to a sober friend of mine, this is one of my new favorite drinks while we are out. It’s not too sweet like a lot of mocktails can be.
I want to save my sugar intake for ice cream.
We all conversed over our drinks and it got me thinking, since when does getting a drink have to involve alcohol? Ok, I guess it doesn’t HAVE to but we all know the connotation behind, “Let’s go grab a drink.”
Grabbing a drink after work at happy hour usually doesn’t mean a sparkling cranberry with lime. Our society has normalized this and we think socializing and unwinding must involve a cocktail.
We think that getting to know someone should involve alcohol. Take the dating scene, for example.
These days with online dating apps, what is the first thing that comes to mind when you are going to meet up with someone new?
Let’s get a drink. Because you don’t know this person, drinks instead of dinner may sound like the way to go. It’s a shorter amount of time with less pressure, we think.
Drinks can turn into hours of talking and ordering more drinks. This means that getting to know someone over drinks isn’t authentic. You are under the influence of something that is changing your personality.
Getting a drink is usually how first dates begin. What do you do as a sober individual when you are meeting someone for the first time and they want to get a drink? It depends on how comfortable you are with letting the person know that you don’t drink.
It usually coincides with curious questions that you may not want to answer. This is why many people want to make up some sort of excuse if they are not comfortable stating the real reason why they quit drinking.
We fear judgment and that has been me in the past, although opening up a little can be so freeing.
It is freeing to say, “Sure, let’s go grab a drink”, all while you sit down and order the non-alcoholic drink that you want. We surely can do this and feel good about our decision.
It’s possible to socialize with a drink that doesn’t contain alcohol. It should be completely normal to not order a drink with alcohol in it.
Flipping the narrative and normalizing sobriety is something that I am after. With each social activity, I hope that I am showing other people that it doesn’t have to be weird to be a non-drinker or showcase that you do not have to drink at every social event.
If something ever happens to my husband and I decide to date again, I think I would skip getting drinks at a bar altogether. If the person isn’t cool with this, then they are not my person. The same goes for a colleague or a new friend.
If we can’t meet at a restaurant, for coffee, or even a hike because they’re dead set on going to a bar, then I am out. I need to converse and be friendly with understanding people that would be open to other options.
Not to say that my friends don’t still go to bars and invite me, because they just did this weekend while I was away with my daughter for a dance competition. I chose to go with them after dinner and didn’t stay long.
You have to be able to make the right choice for you, at any given moment. If something doesn’t feel right, listen to your gut.
If going for drinks is triggering or you don’t think you can handle it with a mocktail in hand, say no. It’s not worth it, in those cases, to show up for other people when you are not ready.
When instances like this happened in the past and even if I was worried that people would be mad at me, I recalled all of the bad memories that I have of myself drinking too much.
I politely declined some invitations.
Sobriety is more important than “getting that drink” or going to a setting that is alcohol-fueled.
This takes me to my next pondering about making excuses why we aren’t drinking alcohol. In early sobriety, it is perfectly normal to not divulge information to people we don’t know well enough.
We might tell little white lies to avoid the judgment that leads to shame, which can lead one to drink again. It’s simply not worth it so we stretch the truth.
I’ve said in the past that alcohol doesn’t agree with me. I can’t sleep and my stomach is a wreck. Although this is true, it is not the entire story. It’s part of the reason but not the whole reason.
It should be reason enough since alcohol is not good for the human body. Our body tries to expel the poison as soon as it possibly can because it’s an invader.
Why should we have to make excuses about why we don’t drink? No one explains why they don’t smoke.
They both cause cancer. Alcohol seems to be the only drug that you have to justify not taking. I am hopeful that alcohol will have its cigarette moment someday.
Let’s normalize getting any drink you want when “getting a drink”. We don’t need alcohol in every social situation or to get to know someone on a deeper level.
It’s authentic when you get together for a coffee and remember the entire date.
Love this, Michele! We need to change the discussion around alcohol. It has many cult-like qualities, and it's taken away people's ability to think for themselves.
So true. Drinks are often a social icebreaker - but why can't we be social over a ginger ale and lime? And you make a great point about alcohol changing someone's personality - a couple drinks in, and you're experiencing a different person. 1) I want someone to know the real me and 2) I want to know who I'm with, not who they are when chemically enhanced. It's also telling if every activity the other person (romantic or platonic) wants to do also involves drinking.
That may work for them, but I'm not up for a life of drinking-based events.