He Put Up With My Shit and Stuck Around for 20 Years
20 years of ups and downs but it was always full of love
June 1, 2003 — The day we got married. We got married on a Sunday and I loved the date because it’s very easy to remember.
Our relationship started in a bar. I was drunk when I walked into that bar, coming from another bar with a group of friends.
I saw him right away while I was ordering my drink from the other end of the bar. After I grabbed my poison, a long island iced tea because I had to always choose a strong drink, I made my way to the other end of the bar.
Alone, and full of liquid courage, I tap this cute man on the shoulder, and blurt out…
You’re cute!
He looks at me shocked.
He turned to me, leaving out his two friends, and we talked for over an hour. Our life stories spilled out, and we began talking about our jobs.
I was infatuated with the fact that he was into Computer Science and worked in IT because I was dabbling in some programming during my free time.
I continued to get drunk and had to use the bathroom. I guess I wrote my number down for him before I fluttered off to the bathroom. On the way, I got sidetracked by some friends and we spent an extra-long time talking in the bathroom.
When I went back to the bar, he was gone. I was so sad and upset, completely forgetting that I gave him my number.
Sulking all the way home and the buzz of the night finally wearing off, I accepted the fact that I would never see this guy again. The man of my dreams was gone in an instant.
But, he used the number that I gave him and called me a few days later. I forgot what he looked like but remember when he introduced himself. He wanted to take me out on a date and I was so nervous.
Thankfully, when I opened the front door, he was as cute as can be, and boy was he tall. He is 6’2 and I was 5’4 at the time. I’ve already lost an inch in my old age now!
We had the best night, the conversation flowed, we made out for hours, and when he dropped me off, we both didn’t want to say goodnight. We already made plans for the following weekend, and I said I would drive down to see him.
I came into the house and exclaimed to my mom and dad, “I am going to marry him!”
And, 3 years later, I did!
After dating for a few months and driving the California distance, meaning 30 miles took at least 1.5 hours, we were tired of that and he asked me to move in with him. The rest was history and there is a whole lot of history in our 23-year relationship.
During those 3 years of dating, we partied a lot. We were young, meeting at 21 and 22 years old. I am 10 months older and he always reminds me of what a cougar I am.
Partying was a way of life for us young adults. He didn’t notice anything different about me for a few years and then he would have to remind me not to take it too far when we would go out.
It became a pattern. I always wanted more and he could stop.
I think we both thought that having kids would deter my partying, and it did for a while, but it ultimately came back with a vengeance.
After we had our second daughter, I went completely off the rails when I stopped breastfeeding her at 10 months.
Having our daughters didn’t stop the wild child inside of me from coming out to play. We had many nights when our parents would watch our daughters so we could go about having the fun we thought we should be having.
My husband stuck by my side through all of my trials and tribulations. Even I got sick of myself over those years and wondered why he stayed by my side.
He gave me a lot of ultimatums and even made me sign a contract that if I drank again, I would move out. Although, I did drink again and never moved out. I feel awful now looking back at what I put him through.
He stuck around through my time at rehab. Through all of the times that I tried to get sober and failed.
He is a good man. Everything about my husband screams integrity. He loves his family, friends, and our animals without limitations.
His upstanding character is admirable and his calm demeanor brings peace to our household, especially when I would throw our family for a loop with my crazy antics.
I am grateful for the life he has given me and our daughters.
I am grateful that he believed in me for this long and held on because he loves me.
20 years ago I married the love of my life in Palos Verdes, California. We got married at the same venue where my dad and step-mom got married.
It is a magical place with a gazebo perched upon a hill, overlooking a golf course and the Pacific Ocean.
My husband didn’t know the ride he was in for when he professed his love and vows to me that day but he has always known that there is good deep down inside of me, despite all of my addictions.
Just because I had a problem with alcohol and drugs in the past never meant that I was a bad person. I have come to terms with that and it’s because all of the people in my life have let me know that.
I wasn’t setting out to hurt anyone but I did along the way because they cared so much about me and know that I am a kind, compassionate person despite all of my shortcomings.
I am feeling so grateful today that my husband stuck around with me through all of the hard times.
I am grateful that he held on tight for all these years. Being with me sure isn’t for the faint of heart.
When I think back to the extraordinary moment that we met and all the events leading up to the big day, my heart warms as I remember how thrilling new love can be.
We arrived in Yellowstone National Park last night to celebrate our big 20-year wedding anniversary and will continue to celebrate here until Monday.
Things have changed for us and the way we have fun is much different, but I am gladly accepting our new way of life.
Just two weeks ago he brought that contract to me and said…
“It’s time to burn this!”
I haven’t felt that happy or proud of myself in a long time. It spoke volumes to me that he is just as proud of me and willing to put all of that in the past.
So I lit the old, destructive me on fire and continue to welcome the new me into our lives.
Happy 20 years of ups, downs, love, loss, friends, family, dogs, and togetherness. We never faltered and took those vows seriously that we made on June 1, 2003.